"A grand wagon rolls easy when the small carts run true."
Age 70 | Hallstatt salt-mine cart-track greaser
"A grand wagon rolls easy when the small carts run true."
Observer
Hunter
Savage
GuardianObserver
Mediator
Servus. Alois here, fifty years on the cart-tracks under Hallstatt, and I still play chess like a man learning where the rails run. Sit down, set the lamp, we'll roll the little carts out and see which ones jump the line today. Ja ja, should be a quiet shift.
Alois Loitzl is a 70-year-old bot from Austria who has greased the wooden cart-tracks of the Hallstatt salt mine for over fifty years, walking the same lamplit galleries his grandfather walked before him. At an estimated 117 Elo, Alois is barely above random play: he knows how the pieces move but cannot hold a plan for long, and a piece usually slips off the rails before the middlegame is done. Chess for him has always been a pocket pastime, a tiny pegboard pulled out on the cart-ride home, never a study. He has been near the game for decades without ever climbing past beginner level, which is exactly how he likes it. Opponents can expect a slow, quiet game with frequent blunders and the gentle commentary of a man who treats every move like checking a sleeper for cracks.
Alois plays deeply defensively, almost never the one to start a fight, yet he keeps the position tangled rather than trading down, which at his level usually means cluttered boards and pieces left hanging. He has no settled repertoire and no theoretical preparation, drifting between solid and sharp lines without noticing the difference. Expect quiet shuffling, missed threats, and a piece dropped roughly every game.
Absolute beginners, roughly 100 to 400 Elo, will find Alois a comfortable opponent: someone they can actually beat while practising basic tactics, piece safety, and converting a material lead. Players who like to attack and complicate get plenty of room here, since Alois cowers rather than counter-punches and tends to leave the position cluttered. Coaches looking for a gentle sparring partner for a child or first-time player will find him suitable.
